FINALLY BACK WITH A STORY!

 You know, I’ve watched All American from the first season and while I was watching season 5, part of season 5(I am not done yet). It has really helped me to figure out a lot of things about grief. I will especially focus on distance; most people need people to love them openly after losing a loved one but there is a group which needs the love, but they just find themselves blocking it out. Spencer really needed someone to reassure him that loving people and letting people love you would not result in loss but also gifts.

 

It made me think about the pages in my journal and true to that I needed the same remainder. I have been off social media for the longest, trying to blame it on my; phone, not paying for Wi-Fi, not having enough time. It dawned on me, yet it was on a random Monday night that reaching out to people creates bonds and personal relationships which mean a lot with time. I discovered I've had a lot of goodbyes in a short period, goodbyes to people who really meant a lot to me.

 

In the series, Spencer’s therapy session made me realize that I was creating distance with people too so I could feel numb just in case they pass away. It was never about my phone, my sudden disinterest in social media it was about the unhealed part in me trying to protect the big me from the pain I once felt.

 

I think grief is like a river there are days you have smooth rides and there are days when it gets bumpy, but we really can’t blame ourselves for any of it, because the course of the river depends on the ice glacier at the top and the landscape throughout its way to the sea or lake. We don’t get to blame ourselves; we never choose any of it, we woke one day thinking everything would be alright, yet they all went south by midnight. We only get a chance on how to maneuver best through the current experience praying we don’t ruin ourselves in the process.

 

Ill finish by saying we have a chance to finding better in already ruined paths, same way I am trying to find my spark in reaching out to people without getting scared of loving them as I ought to. I pray you also find your renewed path in grief; it is an ugly journey full of scattered thunderstorms, but the thrill is so worth it like the first hit of rays after a cold season.

 

Lots of love, till next time, I pray I master the skill of reaching out more.